


Mad Lord Time

by Tari (troisroyaumes)



Category: Neverwhere
Genre: Gen, Oneshot, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-25
Updated: 2007-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-03 08:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troisroyaumes/pseuds/Tari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Door goes missing in New York Below. Richard looks for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mad Lord Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thenewradical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenewradical/gifts).



> Written for thenewradical in Yuletide 2007.

Door disappeared on Christmas Eve. Richard first suspected something had gone wrong when she didn't return in time for the Yule Ball. They were visiting with the counties of New York Below, and it had been made clear that an invitation to the Queen's Ball was both an honor and an obligation. After all, it was the social feud of the season: King Brooklyn, her neighbor to the south, was holding a banquet that very same evening. To refuse the Queen's invitation was tantamount to an alliance with her rival.

"Richard of Mayhew, Warrior of London," announced the herald when he arrived at the Plaza, feeling awkward and out-of-place as usual.

"Sir Mayhew!" The Queen sailed to his side, her massive fan of ostrich feathers flapping a gust of wind into his face. He didn't bother to correct her; the Queen was under the impression that all British men must be nobility in disguise. "And where is the delightful Lady Door?"

"I don't know," he said uncomfortably. "I thought I would find her here."

The Queen gave an artificial laugh and twined her fingers in the thick, golden chains about her neck. "Abandoned so soon?" She leaned in close, and Richard could smell the smoke and oil of her perfume. He wrinkled his nose.

"I don't know what you mean," he said stiffly and made his escape.

He sat by the _hors d'oeuvres_\--a curious mixture of spiced meats that he suspected were half-pigeon and half-starling served on saltine crackers--and tried to look inconspicuous as he waited for Door.

She didn't arrive. He waited until midnight before returning to the tunnel where they'd been staying. Then he did the only thing he could do: he called the Marquis de Carabas.

\---

Richard was thoroughly miserable in America, which was too large, too noisy and too fast by far. New York Below was crowded with refugees from all corners of all worlds, and he had not only encountered gargoyles and moles but also exiles from Faerie, retired gods and more than one Wicked Witch, as he accompanied Door on her social calls. He felt homesick. Even the rats spoke a different dialect here.

She had gone to pay her respects to Mad Lord Time in Time's Square that morning and hadn't returned. Richard wasn't even sure how to find Time; New York Below seemed nigh impossible to navigate.

He tapped his foot as he waited for the operator to connect him. Phones worked as illogically here as they did in London Below: his call was passed from person to person until he finally reached Old Bailey.

"'llo? Hel_lo_?"

"Is that you, Old Bailey?"

"Richard? Well, bless me, what are you callin' me for?"

"I need to talk to the Marquis!"

"No need to shout," grumbled Old Bailey, "I haven't gone deaf yet."

"I need to speak to him right away."

"All right, all right, hold your horses." He heard a rustle of wings in the background.

After what seemed an eternity, a smooth, dark voice purred into the phone, "De Carabas at your service."

"It's Richard. Door's gone missing."

"And what do you expect me to do about it? Perhaps she grew tired of you and sought out more interesting company."

Richard growled, "Shut up and just tell me what to do."

"Where are you?"

"In the middle of New York Below. She said she was going to call on Lord Time--"

"That old coot?" The Marquis chuckled. "Well, I suppose what you'll have to do is go to the scene of the crime, as it were, and trace her footsteps."

"How do I get there?"

"To Time's Square? That will cost you a--"

"A favor, yes I know."

"A _big_ favor."

"Fine, I owe you a big favor. Now what do I need to know?"

\---

He hadn't expected Times Square--the Upside version--to be such a confusion of streets and people. Neon signs flashed at him from overhead to the beat of the loud traffic; the yellow cabs passing dangerously around the sidewalk curbs, like sharks through water. The people of New York Above paid as little attention to him as in London, though one or two seemed to notice him enough to give him a little shove as he studied the intersection.

A pigeon pecked at his toe and cooed inquiringly. He shook his head at it, and it gave him a disdainful eye before flying away.

"Ten times widdershins with eyes closed, and toss the token in the air. Why's it always widdershins?" He studied the coin, which was brass and had a hole in its center. "Well, here goes."

He closed his eyes and turned ten times, which made him dizzy and disoriented. When he tossed the coin into the air and opened his eyes, he found himself in a dark, deep hall, laid out in the shape of a square. The walls were hung with black tapestries, embroidered in white, and the servants coming up to meet him were dressed in black from head to toe.

"Shhh! Absolute silence!" they whispered, although he hadn't spoken a word. They forced him into a black coat and escorted him across the hall without a sound. Richard felt eyes watching him from all corners, although the hall was too dimly lit to see much more than shadows.

At the center of the hall was a high throne, upon which a heap of black furs was sleeping. When Richard approached and was none too gently forced to his knees by his escorts, it gave a snort, and a white head lifted itself from its wrappings.

Mad Lord Time had white thinning hair and a long white beard. His face was thin and shriveled like a dried fig. His eyes, vague and unfocused, were a strange combination of shifting colors--the same shade of opal as Door's, Richard realized in surprise.

"Who are you?" wheezed the old man.

"Wehyam Drahcir si eman ym," Richard said and paused in surprise.

"Oh, how silly of me, I left you on rewind." Lord Time lifted his hand and snapped. "Try again."

"My name is Richard Mayhew," he said again. "A companion of Lady Door. I've come to inquire--"

"Richard Mayhew? Richard of Mayhew? That name rings familiar. Send for the herald!"

A dwarf carrying a book nearly as thick as he was tall materialized by the throne. He opened it with a thud and peered at the text through a pair of spectacles held up to his nose. "Richard of Mayhew, companion to the Lady Door of the House of Arch, of London Below. See also: Warrior of London."

"Warrior!" the old man screeched. "Do we have a _hero_ in our midst?"

Richard took a step back and had a sudden memory of the Beast with its curving tusks, the stench of blood and slaver from its breath, Hunter shouting, "Now!--Richard," and the heavy, bronze spear in his hand. He stumbled and looked around wildly. There was no spear--or Beast--only Mad Lord Time watching him closely.

"Flashbacks are common in this place," he said. "So you are the Warrior. You come in search of our unfortunate kinswoman then, brave Warrior?"

"Kinswoman?"

"The Houses of Arch and Time are cousins, as you well know. Indeed, the Lady Door graced us with her visit yesterday, when the tragedy occurred."

"Tragedy?"

"I have long been at war with the pirates of the Canal, barbaric thieves who seek to conquer my domain. They chose to attack my court yesterday afternoon. We lost many of our own to the battle, and as you can see, we are in mourning. The Lady Door vanished in the commotion, and I had hoped that she had escaped to safety through her own powers."

Richard tried to process it all--wars, battles, Door vanished--

"I did not know that she had failed to return. That a guest has been harmed during a visit to my court--please accept my apologies."

"Where can I find them? These pirates."

Lord Time gave a slow, triumphant smile. "We will lend you a boat. Then _they_ will be sure to find you."

\---

Richard rowed wearily down the Canal: a long subterranean tunnel submerged in water. It smelled of sewage and rotting bodies.

"What am I doing?" he asked himself for the fiftieth time. He had no weapon, no plan or any sense of where he was, and yet, he continued to row determinedly down the Canal to do what? Rush in like a fairy tale hero and rescue Door from these Canal pirates, whoever they were? He was no warrior, no matter what titles they gave him. Door could better take care of herself than he could; if she was in trouble, it was surely beyond his ability to help her.

But they were in a strange city in a strange country, and there was no one else.

"Oh bloody hell." He continued rowing, though he was already growing exhausted.

He was so tired, in fact, that he almost didn't notice his little boat colliding against the hull of a much larger ship. A light appeared over the edge and blinded his eyes. "Who goes there?"

"Are you the pirates of the Canal?"

"Depends who's askin'!"

"My name is Richard Mayhew, and I'm looking for the Lady Door."

"Ain't heard of anyone by that name 'round here."

"I heard that you made an attack on Lord Time, whom she was visiting shortly before she disappeared."

There was a pause. "You're a friend of Mad Time? You better speak to the cap'n then."

\---

"Cap'n? There's a man here from Time's Square, askin' after a lady. Thought I'd better bring him to you."

"Send him in."

The pirate shoved him unceremoniously through the door and kicking him in the back of the knees.

"Oof. Was that really necessary?" grumbled Richard, wincing at the impact. He looked up at the captain, who was only about five-foot tall and was dressed in a green sailor suit. He looked no older than ten.

"You have a funny accent. Are you from England?"

"Scottish, originally," he replied, still in shock. "Are you really the captain of this ship?"

"Aye, I'm Tom, the fearless leader of the Canal pirates!" The boy struck a pose. "Scourge of the waters in all of New York Below!"

"But you can't be older than ten!"

"Twelve, actually," Tom corrected him, looking annoyed. "And who are you? Another one of Father's spies?"

Richard felt confused. "Father?"

"My father. Lord Time. I heard you came from his court. We're at war, you know."

"You're at war with your _father_?"

"Well, what else can I do when he refuses to give up his throne like he's supposed to? He was supposed to pass it on at Solstice, but he tried to lock me up. I escaped of course."

"He's supposed to give up his throne?"

Tom gave him a pitying look. "You aren't too bright, aren't you? Of course, he has to give up his throne; otherwise the winter will never end."

Richard tried to digest this information. "Well, then, where's Door?"

"Cousin Door? I thought she was in England."

"We came to New York last week, and she was supposed to be visiting Lord Time yesterday. But she never came back, and Lord Time said that she must have disappeared during your attack."

"Well, we don't have her. All the prisoners are accounted for. Wait, Cousin _Door_ is missing?"

Richard nodded.

"Oh no. He wouldn't. But he _would_. That's just the sort of bastard he is. This is bad news, very bad news." Tom started pacing back and forth.

Richard felt more confused than ever. "What's going on?"

"What was your name again? Maychop? Mayslice?"

"Mayhew. Richard Mayhew. I'm a...a friend of Door's."

Tom stopped in his tracks. "But then you must be the Warrior of London! That's impossible."

Richard tried not to feel insulted. "Well, technically I am, though--"

"You killed the Beast?"

"Yes, well..."

"You were trained by Hunter herself?"

"I guess you can say that..."

"I never would have thought it. I thought you'd be ten foot tall at least. I saw Hunter once, you know, when she came after the white alligator. She moved like a tiger. You move like a--"

"A turtle on its back?"

Tom laughed. "Yes, exactly. Whatever did Father have in mind by sending you to me? I suppose he heard you were the Warrior and thought you'd come rushing in and slaughter us all. He's a little crazy you know. They call him Mad Lord Time." He sighed. "I wish he didn't cause this mess. I don't really want to take over, you know. Sit in Time's Square and grow old in the space of a year. But that's the way things work."

Richard refused to be distracted. "Do you know where Door is?"

"Yes. Or rather I have a pretty good idea." Tom's face turned grim. "We need to find her right away, before Father does something colossally stupid."

\---

"There are two ways into Time's Square," Tom explained as they sailed up the Canal at a surprising speed. "One's the way you came, with the token, but that can only be used once. The other is trickier. It requires traveling into Tomorrow."

"How on earth do you do that?"

"Well, it takes a little bit of speed," and the boat sped up even more, "a little bit of courage, and of course, a little bit of _time_." Tom snapped his fingers, and the tunnel started whizzing past so fast that it began to disappear.

Richard saw Tom speak but the sound came out in a high-pitched blur, like watching a video on fast-forward. The boat moved faster and faster, so fast that it seemed to stop moving altogether. Then the world rushed back in around them, and Richard's ears popped painfully.

"Here we are." Tom threw a rope ladder over the side of the ship and climbed down. Richard followed after him.

They sneaked in from the other end of the hall, behind Lord Time's throne. The servants did not seem to have noticed their presence yet. Time's querulous, high-pitched voice rang out in annoyance. "My dear Door, you really have no other choice!"

"If you kill me, all of London Below won't hesitate to come after you." It was Door's voice. Richard instinctively started to run toward her, but Tom stopped him.

"Oh, I'm so frightened."

"What does he want her for?" Richard whispered, his hands clenching into fists.

"Be sensible, Lord Time," Door said wearily. "Not even I can open a door into Yesterday."

Beside him, Tom breathed in sharply. "So I was right. Father wants to turn back time."

"But why?"

"It will return him to his youth, and he can continue sitting on his throne without offending the passage of the seasons. The same year, repeating over and over...forever."

Time stood up from his throne and stamped his foot angrily. "You opened a door into Heaven for Islington!"

Door said sharply, "No, I didn't."

"Richard Maycleave! Can you cause a distraction?"

"I can try...for how long?"

"Long enough that I can get to that." Tom pointed to a tree branch hanging above the throne. "Without Father noticing of course."

"A tree branch? What good will that do?"

"Trust me. It's the only way we can stop him."

Richard took in a deep breath. If he squinted he could make out Door's slender form behind guards at the center of the hall. "All right, I'll do my best." There was no time for second thoughts.

"Excuse me, Lord Time," he said, coming up from behind the throne. "I see you've found Lady Door."

He was immediately surrounded by guards who held their swords to his throat. Door exclaimed, "Oh, by Temple and Arch, what are you doing here, Richard?"

He tried to smile, despite her stiff, worried face. Her hands were tied behind her back with rope, and there were dark circles under her eyes. She seemed as if she hadn't slept or eaten for days.

"So you have returned, Warrior. Did you meet the pirates?"

"I'm afraid not," Richard said slowly, trying to improvise. "I got lost."

"Oh? Then why is my son here in this hall, hoping that I won't see him sneaking about like a _thief_!" Lord Time snapped his fingers.

Tom froze in midstep. He glared at his father. "Old man, there was no need for that."

"Did you really think I'd let you waltz into my hall and attempt to kill me?"

"It's the order of things, Lord Time," Door said quietly, fidgeting in her bonds. "You must step down."

"But I don't...want to die." Time clutched at the arms of his throne. "No, I won't die, I _refuse_ to die. Guards! Arrest my son at once!"

The guards immediately rushed towards the frozen Tom, leaving Richard free to run to Door.

"Very well," Door said softly, her hands tracing a small circle behind her back. "I wasn't going to resort to this, but since Cousin Tom is here--"

She made a twisting motion, and suddenly everything in the room began to move at high speed. Tom shot out of his frozen position and jumped up to grab the tree branch hanging over Lord Time's head. From one end of the hall, pirates from the ship came running in, brandishing cutlasses and engaging the guards in combat. Richard found himself with a spear in his hand, and before he knew what he was doing, he thrust it out to trip Lord Time running away from Tom, who in one smooth motion threw the branch at his father's back. He snapped and time slowed--

\--the branch tracing an arc through the air above the battling guards and pirates, above Door and Richard's heads and down towards Lord Time, laying moaning and prostate on the floor--

to a crawl then returned to its normal pace.

Door knelt by Lord Time's impaled body. "I'm sorry. I can't open doors into Yesterday, only Tomorrow. Not even you can make time run backwards."

From outside, they heard a deep bell tolling twelve times. "Let us mourn for the passing of the old year," said Tom, tears in his eyes as he stared down at his father's corpse. "And celebrate the coming of the new."

\---

"It happens every year, you see. The son must kill his father for the year to end and for a new spring to begin." Door rubbed at her chafed wrists and looked rueful. "It would drive anyone mad, I suppose, to know that you only have a year to live the rest of your life."

"It seems so cruel."

"I'm afraid things are rather vicious here." Door looked up at him. "Thanks for coming after me though. I wondered if you would."

"I couldn't help it. I was afraid, but I was even more afraid without you." He ducked his head and avoided her gaze.

She smiled and reached for his hand. "Let's go home."

"Yes, _please_."

They stepped through the door together.


End file.
